The Breast Hat
by quwira
Summary: Snoggletog has come to Berk once again WARNING: MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR HTTYD2
1. Chapter 1

**Something silly I wrote during a break at university. Only HTTYD2 spoilers if you have managed to keep yourself absolutely pure and have avoided all spoilers. I have avoided MOST (so please do not mention anything that's not mentioned here), but I did not avoid this one.**

**If you don't want any spoilers, please find another fic to read.**

**SPOILERS**

**SPOILERS**

**SPOILERS**

**OK so based off a possible ending, where Valka comes and stays in Berk again**

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The air was thick with falling snow, but the vikings took no heed; they were much too busy preparing for Snoggletog. They lumbered about, singing merrily (some, a little drunk), and covered the entirety of Berk in Snoggletog decorations. Some of the Vikings were a bit sad, as many of the dragons had left for their annual mating season, but their sadness did not last for long; the spirit of Snoggletog was much too cheery to stay down.

However, no one was more excited for the holiday than Valka, who was skipping around the town, with the wonderment of a child. Her face seemed to be stuck in a permanent grin.

"I forgot how much I loved Snoggletog," she said earnestly to Stoic. "I haven't celebrated it for fifteen odd years!"

"Certainly _my_ favourite holiday," agreed Stoic. Hiccup came up to them then, wiping sweat off his forehead.

"Toothless and I finished decorating the town square," he told them. He motioned to Toothless, who had found himself a nice spot under an awning to lie down in.

"Good work, son," said Stoic. "Now I need your helmet. Odin needs a place to put your goodies."

Hiccup raised an eyebrow. "Dad, aren't I a bit old to-..." He trailed off at the sight of his mother's crestfallen face. "I mean, yay, Snoggletog!" He tried jumping to show his enthusiasm. "I'll go get my helmet!" He ran off. Toothless jumped up and followed him faithfully.

"He's a good boy," said Stoic.

"He was raised well," replied Valka, winking at him.

A moment later, Hiccup came back, helmet in hand. Valka squealed in excitement and seized it.

"Oh, my baby boy has a helmet!" She cooed excitedly. "I bet many a battle was fought while...-" she trailed off. Her eyebrows furrowed together as she scrutinised the helmet more carefully. "Hiccup," she said slowly. "Is this my _breast plate_?"

Father and son wore matching looks of horror as they realised what they had just shown Valka.

"Oh, um...yeah, kind of."

"Why?" Her voice was stern now, and the sudden iciness of it scared Hiccup.

"Dad made it!"

She turned to Stoic then. "What?"

Stoic was not used to being intimidated, easily being the strongest viking in Berk, but he shrank back at the furious glint in Valka's eye.

"Well, the boy _needed_ a helmet, and I thought, you know, keep you close and all..."

"That's so creepy, Stoic!" She exclaimed.

"His is part of your breast plate too!" Interjected Hiccup. Stoic made a face that plainly said that he wished Hiccup had not spoken. Hiccup grinned. "Matching set, hey Dad?"

Valka's voice started to increase in volume. "That's doubly creepy!"

Stoic's temper rose also. "Well, _sorry_ for trying to keep your memory alive!"

"There are other ways other than to _massacre_ my clothing!"

Hiccup nodded to Toothless; it was their cue to leave. Hiccup jumped on the saddle with practiced ease and they flew off. In the distance, they could still hear the yelling.

"It was _expensive!_"

"Didn't look it!"

Hiccup smiled, mostly that he was in the clear, as he and Toothless flew off into the horizon.

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**Hiccup can be a bit of an ass sometimes :D **


	2. Chapter 2

**SO there is a part 2. Please remember, that I wrote part 1 BEFORE I saw HTTYD2, and that this is a continuation.**

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Toothless knocked Hiccup playfully with his tail. Hiccup pushed Toothless trying to get up the stairs. Toothless grabbed his human with his gummy mouth. They did this fairly often, trying to be the first up the stairs. This activity was condemned in the chief's house, after they had broken his bed. So they only did it when he wasn't home, and much more gently than what they used to.

Toothless pushed past and galloped up the remaining stairs. He made a triumphant noise.

"Yeah, yeah," said Hiccup, trying to wipe off the worst of the dragon spit. "Show off."

Toothless grinned and made to lay down on his bed.

"I wonder if Mother has a way of getting spit out," Hiccup said, more to himself than to Toothless. nonetheless, Toothless looked up in curiousity.

Hiccup smiled. "I'm actually kinda glad my parents are back together."

Toothless narrowed his eyes at his human.

"I know, I know, I just caused a fight between them," said Hiccup. "It was _pretty_ fun, I have to admit. But, they'll get over it, and then they'll be closer than ever."

Just then, they heard some muffled yelling. There was the sound of the door opening, the yelling became clearer.

"What, did you make my old nightie into a sail too?"

"It would have worked, I'm sure it inherited some of your hot air!"

"What!?"

"Oh dear," said Hiccup. "I guess they're still at it."

"You didn't think it was _creepy_ at all to wear something that used to hold my _breasts_ on your _head!?"_

There was a long pause. Even from up in his room, Hiccup could feel the tension.

"Oh _gods_," he whispered. "They're going to _kill_ each other."

He heard a groan, and then,

"Oh Stoick!" His mother moaned loudly.

"Oh Valka!" His father said breathlessly.

"Oh GODS!" Yelped Hiccup. He quickly jumped back on Toothless's saddle, silently thanking the gods he hadn't pulled it off yet.

"We gotta go," he said. Toothless could hear the panic in his human's voice. "We gotta go _now."_

They flew out the window, Hiccup dry-retching, as the sounds of his parents love-making were drowned out in the wind.

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**Hope you enjoyed?  
**


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